


The World Turned Upside Down

by sassmaster_tiresias



Series: Life As We Knew It [3]
Category: The Man in the High Castle (TV)
Genre: Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, these two will be the death of me I swear, you know through a lawless wasteland but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 04:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11268285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassmaster_tiresias/pseuds/sassmaster_tiresias
Summary: With a cloud of smoke in the sky above San Francisco, Ed and Robert know there's nothing left for them there.  There's only forward, into the Neutral Zone and whatever lies beyond.





	The World Turned Upside Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [queer_cheer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/queer_cheer/gifts).



> Bobward is love. Bobward is life. This is sort of a preface to the fic that my friend Ollie (queer_cheer) is writing (and hasn't posted yet), but it can basically stand alone. All you need to know is that the boys are joining up with Jules and friends and they're gonna fuck some shit up. It's great you'll love it I promise.

Realistically, Ed knows that they’re too far away from the blast to have felt a shockwave. As the cloud of smoke rises over the San Francisco skyline though, Ed can feel the explosion shaking in his chest. It quivers across his shoulders and pounds between his temples and behind his eyes. Only when Robert’s hand clutches his, solid and grounding, does Ed realize that it’s not the world shaking, it’s him.

Robert’s eyes haven’t strayed from the dust cloud. It’s begun to disperse over the city, settling down over the buildings. His grip on Ed’s hand is nearly crushing, even though Ed’s fingers are pretty much limp. As he stares out the window of the bus, his mouth is slightly agape and the lines he gets around his eyes whenever he’s stressed (which was pretty much any time Frank opened his mouth, Ed had noticed) are deeper than ever. 

They reach the end of the bridge and buildings obscure their view. Robert’s head snaps around and his eyes meet Ed’s. He’s scared, Ed can see that much. After a second, though, Robert’s eyes rove over Ed’s face and then his entire expression shifts to one of pity.

For a moment, Ed is confused as to why. But, with the backdrop of nothing but buildings flashing behind Robert out the window, the shock of the fact that there was an explosion wears off and Ed realizes what it means.

Frank is dead.

Sure, there’s a small possibility that Frank made it out. But this hollow feeling in Ed’s chest is telling him that—no, his best friend is dead. Ed knows that. There’s no doubt in his mind.

There’s a slight sigh of breath as Robert prepares himself to say something. Whatever vague attempt at comfort he might have made is cut off when Ed squeezes his hand back.

“It’s fine,” Ed says, trying to swallow down the tears that have suddenly sprung up in his eyes. “We’re getting out, it’s fine.”

Robert’s skepticism shows in the slant of his eyebrows, but he nods anyway. “Okay,” he says. “Sure. Yeah.”

Robert looks away again, and Ed lets his head fall back against the headrest.

Towards the front of the bus, there’s a baby screaming and a woman’s sobs resound up and down the aisle. The woman in the seat behind Ed is sniffling, trying to hold in the gasps of her crying.

Ed lets the tears slip down his face as he stares at the ceiling. He doesn’t let go of Childan’s hand.

xXx

Robert wakes up when the bus goes over a bump. He thinks he fell asleep somewhere outside the city limits. As he comes to more and more, he notices a crick in his neck. He tries to lift his hand and rub at it, but he can’t. Flexing his fingers, he finds that it’s because Ed’s hand it still wrapped around his. Matter of fact, he’s pretty sure his head is on Ed’s shoulder, as well.

His neck still doesn’t want to unbend, so Robert peers up at Ed, out of the corner of his eye. Ed’s awake. He’s not crying anymore (which Robert very carefully pretended not to notice when it was happening), so that’s an improvement, at least. There’s something unsettling about the way he’s staring off into space, though, and the hard set of his jaw.

Finally, Robert forces himself to sit up straight, his neck cracking. “Sorry,” he croaks, his throat scratching after having been asleep.

Ed just shrugs, not looking at him. They sit in silence.

It’s dark outside, nothing beyond the windows but pitch blackness. The bus has gone silent. Robert glances at his watch. It’s only about ten o’clock. They’ve got hours to go before they even reach the neutral zone. He settles back in his seat.

“What do you think this means?” Ed says. He turns, looking over at Robert. “For the world, I mean.”

Robert’s not quite sure how to answer that. He swallows once. Normally, when he’s nervous, his hands fidget, but one of them is still currently twined with Ed’s. 

“I think,” Robert says, and then trails off. Ed looks at him expectantly, so he tries to come up with something. “I think that no matter what happens, it’s a good thing we’re headed for the Neutral Zone.”

Ed shakes his head. “We’ve got to keep going,” he says. “Into the Reich if we have to. We’ve got to find Juliana.”

Robert can feel the panic seizing in his throat. No, no, no, that was not the plan. The Reich was _not_ in the plan. 

Ed’s still got that hard look in his eyes, though. Like he could burn the whole of the Reich down with the sheer force of his will. And Robert knows that he needs this, that Ed has lost literally everything except for one girl that’s somewhere out there in the Nazi Reich.

Robert’s got nothing left to lose—he’s abandoned his shop, he doesn’t have any family to speak of—but Ed’s got somebody out there to find. 

And maybe, just maybe, it’ll be nice to have some hope on the horizon.

xXx

The room they’re staying in only has one bed. Robert, ever the self-sacrificing bastard, had offered to sleep on the floor. Normally, Ed would argue, but he’s bone tired after a few days of travel and willing to take whatever Robert will give him. After seeing poor Robert shivering on the floor, though, Ed willingly relinquished the blanket and pillow.

Now, Ed’s kind of chilly, though, and he can’t seem to get to sleep. As he lies awake, looking at the cracks in the ceiling above him, he thinks he can hear something.

After a minute, he realizes that it’s Robert. Crying. On the floor.

They’d had to run that day. Some person had decided to take issue with the way Robert was complaining about the conditions of the Neutral Zone, and in the mad dash that followed, one of Robert’s trunks had been left behind. Unfortunately, it was the one with most of Robert’s clothes, along with a few stray antiques that hadn’t fit with the others. Ed knew Robert had been upset about it, but not _this_ upset.

“Robert, you okay?” Ed asks. He receives no response. “Robert, stop worrying about it. We’ll find you some new clothes tomorrow.”

Robert rolls over to face him with a flailing of arms and blanket. “Oh, fuck the clothes, Ed!” he snaps. “I don’t care about the goddamn clothes.”

Ed sits up and puts his head in his hands. “Good God, just forget about the antiques, Robert! I’ll find you another stupid 17th century vase or whatever the hell it was. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Maybe not to you, but to me those antiques were reminders that at some point in human history we were capable of creating beautiful things.” Robert’s face is red and blotchy from crying, and his hair is all in disarray. His hands are clenched in the blanket.

Ed knows that he’s gaping at the outburst, and after a second of neither of them saying anything, the fire drains from Robert’s face and he turns away again. 

“Never mind,” Robert mutters. “You wouldn’t understand.”

When Robert says nothing more, Ed flops back down onto the bed again. The springs creak as he shifts around, trying to get comfortable. The minutes seem to tick by even slower than they were before. And, much to Ed’s dismay, he can tell that Robert is still awake and upset on the floor.

Ed groans and shifts over towards the wall. “Dammit, get up here,” he says. He looks over to see Robert’s eyes peering at him out of the darkness.

“What?” Robert says, confused.

“You heard me, come on,” Ed grumbles. He rolls over so he’s facing the wall. He says nothing more, but eventually the bed dips as Robert climbs in.

Ever so carefully, Robert spreads the blanket over the both of them. He settles with his back pressed against Ed’s in the narrow bed.

Unfortunately, this puts them in the perfect position for Ed to feel Robert’s shoulders shaking no matter how hard Robert tries to hide it.

Ed can’t take it anymore after a while. He feels Robert turn onto his back and does the same himself. Their elbows are practically jabbing into each other’s ribs already, so Ed just shifts his arm around until he finds Robert’s hand and holds onto it.

“It’s going to be fine,” Ed says. “Alright? I said I’d find you another vase and I’m going to. First Juliana. Then your vase.”

Robert snorts. “At least you’ve got your priorities straight.”

Once again, they’re still holding hands when they wake up.

xXx

By the time they meet up with Trudy and Juliana, they’re far enough into Nazi territory that Robert is anxious pretty much every second of the day. There’s some kind of cockamamie scheme going on between Juliana and her (ex?) Nazi (boy?) friend. Apparently, they’re going to overthrow the Reich. Ed is all for it, and well, Robert doesn’t want to get left behind, so he’s going along, too.

Joe’s got them all put up in some cheap motel that’s worse than some of the places Ed and Robert stayed in on the way through the Neutral Zone. It’s got beds, though, and in the end that’s not that bad. At this point, Ed and Robert have given up altogether on using two beds. Usually when they fall asleep, it’s with Robert’s forehead pressed against Ed’s collarbone, breathing softly to the rhythm of Ed’s hand in his hair.

Robert gets nervous about it, though, once the girls are around. Trudy is already out and snoring on one of the beds when Robert emerges from the bathroom. He rubs his hair with a towel as Juliana slips past him.

Ed is half dozing on the other bed, but he looks up at Robert where he stands in the doorway. A slight smile on his face, he shuffles so that his back is against the wall, making room for Robert to join him. He lets his head drop to the pillow and shifts until he’s in a position where Robert can slot right in against him.

But Robert doesn’t join him. Instead, he stands across the room, wringing the towel between his hands and not meeting Ed’s eyes.

“You okay?” Ed asks. He props himself up on his elbows and squints curiously at Robert.

Robert takes a step forward, but then hesitates again, eyes flicking to Trudy on the other bed. “I’ll—I’ll sleep on the floor,” he says. “Can I have…one of those pillows?” He gestures meekly and holds out his hand.

“Rob, she’s asleep,” Ed says. “And Juliana doesn’t care. She knows about me at least, and she doesn’t care.”

The water in the bathroom shuts off. Robert moves forward, hand still held out. “I’ll be fine,” he whispers as Juliana emerges from the bathroom, shoving Trudy over to make room for herself.

Ed sighs, but yanks one of the pillows out from behind him and slams it into Robert’s chest. “Have fun on the floor,” he grumbles, then rolls over so his back is to the rest of the room.

Hours later, after the lights have been turned off and Juliana and Trudy are snoring in counterpoint to each other, Ed still isn’t asleep. He feels like his mind is a radio that won’t shut off, but also won’t tune right, leaving him with nothing but static and broken up words. He sits up in the bed, elbows on his knees and head hanging between his shoulders.

“Please tell me you’re not asleep,” Ed pleads into the darkness of the room.

For a second, there’s no response, and then Robert replies, “Nope.”

“Well then get the fuck up here.” Ed throws himself back down into the bed, fluffing the pillow, which still isn’t supporting his head. “And bring that damn pillow back with you.”

Ed throws one arm over his eyes and holds the other out to the side of him. He breathes out, letting the muscles in his shoulders uncoil when he feels the blankets lift and Robert lie down at his side. He wraps his arm around Robert’s neck to bring him in closer.

“I can’t sleep without you anymore,” Robert whispers.

Ed’s thumb strokes behind Robert’s ear. He smiles into Robert’s hair. “You couldn’t sleep because you were acting like a stubborn ass and laying on the floor.”

Robert’s voice shakes as he speaks. “You weren’t asleep either.”

And, well, Ed doesn’t have a response to that. So, rather than saying anything, he finds Robert’s hand under the blanket and holds tight to it.

“I care about you. I care about you and I need you, and that scares me.” Robert lifts his head from the crook of Ed’s neck so they can look each other in the eye. “I’m scared, Ed.”

Ed smiles, then kisses him, which pretty much makes Robert’s heart stop beating altogether, just like it has the few other times that Ed has kissed him. And just like all of those other times, Ed pulls away and chuckles. “Breathe,” he reminds Robert.

“Sorry,” Robert says. He grins, and then gives Ed another short peck as apology for his anxiety about the whole thing.

Shaking his head, Ed says, “Don’t be.” Another kiss, and Robert manages to keep his breathing under control this time, manages to actually move his lips, kiss Ed back.

“I’m scared, too.” Ed’s face transforms into an expression of seriousness. “But there are scarier things in the world than caring about somebody.”

Robert tucks himself in against Ed’s side. He holds Ed’s hand and presses his nose into the dip of Ed’s collarbone. “Yeah, there are.”

**Author's Note:**

> Keep an eye out for Ollie's fic! It'll be in this series, and I'll be posting more (mostly bobward) fics as they coincide with his larger work. No spoilers! Thanks for reading!


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